M.I.S.S.

I was browsing through my old photos in Facebook and I realized that I was lucky enough to have a very interesting and unforgettable university life  

Yes, I miss my uni days. I miss organizing events with a bunch of very committed team mates. I miss the fun of meeting new people and working together as a team in order to make an event successful. I miss the life as a university student which my job was to study, take exams and occasionally have fun with friends

There were ups and downs in my uni life, learnt many important lessons, met many different kinds of people, enhanced my skills in various aspects, and most importantly it helped me to become who I am today.

I know that no matter how much I miss being a university student, I still can’t wind the time and go back to the past. Life goes on after all, isn’t it?

But to those who are currently in university or going to enrol into a university, remember this, university life will always be one of the best experiences and memories in your life! Hence remember to cherish every moment as a university student!

About 1 more week left to my new journey of life. God knows how nervous I am now. Hopefully things will go on well. Gambate!

 

-sherril=xuele-

哭笑不得

Hello people! How was your Chinese New Year celebration? Did anything different this year?

Well, for me this year’s Chinese New Year is the same as previous years. Been eating and eating since reunion dinner till today, went “bai nian” (CNY visiting in Mandarin), played the usual “games” and lazed around at home. Was quite a nice break for me from work, but too bad I had to start work quite early.

When I started work on Friday, I noticed that I still have another 2 more days till my last day in work. 2 more days!

When I looked at the kids, I realized that I have really gotten close to them and the fact that I am going to leave them in 2 days time just ached my heart. I kept asking them would they remember and miss me? They said “yes”. But kids…..if you are not around for some time, they will forget you de. Really really really 不舍得. How ah?

While I was writing their January reflections, I discovered that many of them have improved, in terms of academic and behaviour. Very happy but also very sad.

I am happy that February is just around the corner and I can start to prepare for my March trip, yet I am sad that I have to leave the little ones behind……

I will never forget you naughty kids!

 

-sherril=xuele-

再见！

人生无常啊！

刚才睡午觉的时候，我其实是梦见她的状况好转了。我以为，这个梦意味着还有希望，还有奇迹。

哪里知道。。。却是刚好相反。

虽然已经做了最坏的打算，但是当事实摆在眼前的时候，还是有点难接受。

我妈说，在这种时候我们要控制情绪，以便当事人可以走得安心。真的是这样吗？那么，明天的我一定要坚强，绝对不可以流泪。

我的朋友们，你们一定要坚强！有什么事，还是有我们姐妹在。

Aunty,我很高兴可以认识您。您是个好妈妈！

我永远会记得我在您家过夜时您和uncle都会很友善的招待我和其他朋友。更不会忘记每次去您的家，不管我有没有饿，您都会请问吃一些好吃的东西。感谢您！您真的是个好人！

我，想停笔了。

希望大家可以坚强面对！

 

-雪乐-

I MUST Survive!!!

 

 

#1: My tutorial group

(picture credited to Shyuan)

 

 

 

#2: With the entire MH final semester students

(my group is in green)

(picture credited to Shangqian)

 

Don't all of us look happy in these pictures? These are probably my last pictures with most of them.

 

Yeah everyone was happy when taking these pre-graduation photos. It was as though we have already graduated. But the fact is, we haven't. And there are still so many things to go through before we are able to graduate on time.

 

What worries me the most is still my fyp. What my advisor told us really pressured me a lot. What if we really can't get the desired result and we fail this subject? I am not being negative, but my coursemate told us there were such cases under my supervisor.

 

*sigh*

 

Upcoming will be 2 critical weeks which we have to complete our fyp nicely with well-written thesis. Besides that, I have 1 test, 1 lab report and 1 major assignment to hand in as well.

 

Great. Let's hope that this shall my the last time I'll get this mad busy and there will be NO MORE such thing in future after this semester. Which means, I MUST GRADUATE!!!

 

Gambate to myself! I really must gambate!

 

 

-sherril=xuele-

崩溃了

终于，我崩溃了。

我没法让自己相信这一关是100%过得了。

时间逼近了，但是还是没成果。

如果过不了，怎么办？

好想放弃！

我确实不适合留在这个领域。根本就是我不喜欢的东西。

我不要埋怨，只想要快点结束，快点让自己从这个噩梦醒过来。

我，已经好久好久没有好好睡了。

因为压力，所以老毛病又发作，每晚睡觉都做梦，有时还是噩梦。

是不是再努力就一定可以？为什么我觉得还是不行呢？:'(

-雪乐-

Sherril's Project 365: #57

If only you can find "I ♥ You"....

Something happened today and I was surprised at how differently I reacted to this problem compared to previous times.

No, I did not complain.

No, I did not cry.

And no, I did not blame anyone.

I realized my mistake, thought about ways to correct it, smiled on and tried my best to make things better.

If only there are other ways to express the 3 words, "I ♥ You".....

-sherril=xuele-

怎么了？

最近的我，怪怪的。没有发生什么特别的事情，可是就是觉得很不对劲。

我总是告诉身边的朋友，我是一个很入戏，很入书的人。只要是悲伤或感动的画面出现，泪水就会在我的眼眶打滚，甚至流了下来。

可是最近觉得自己的泪水越来越不听话。明明故事的情节没有很悲伤也没有很感动，但是情绪起伏很大，而且泪水一直流下。莫名其妙。

也因为这样，最近看戏或小说时总是会把一包纸巾放在桌上，以免室友经过时误以为我怎么啦。想想看，其中一本小说已是读了第二遍。但是，流泪的情况好像变得很严重（第一次读的时候或许都没有哭）。

到底，我的神经线是怎么了？断了？乱了？

唉，也不只是这个问题。还有很多很奇怪的事情。

天啊，救命啊！！

-雪乐-、

You say, what should I do?

I have always been wondering, what will my life be after graduation?

To be frank, I have no idea at all.

Or at least, no concrete plans except for work and travel program.

You can say I am lazy, as I do not wish to work after I graduate. Not so fast. I told my parents I want to further my studies after the work and travel program. I want to see the world, gain new exposure and experience in places other than Malaysia.

But if I were to further my studies, what should I study? Stick back to my field? Change to Business courses? Or go into something like psychology or forensic science? *sigh*

I have gave serious consideration about venturing in Computer Graphic, Imaging and Vision (CGIV) in South Korea if my application is successful. But.... I am a bit worried.

Is that suitable for me? Because I am not really interested in what I am doing now, but if I were to really go back into Engineering field, this will be my only and final choice. Serious.

I am really interested in it, but to be able to do well is another thing. I know I am worrying way too early because I have not even submitted my application and to be accepted is another thing. It depends on the professor whether he wants me or not. But based on my results, I kinda doubt la.

Haih. I spent 4 and a half years in uni yet I am still unsure about my future.

What should I do????

-sherril=xuele-

爱莫能助

真是爱莫能助。不懂该怎么办才好。

困了我好几天，但是我还是没能解决。连问题的根源都找不到。

希望考完试这些问题可以自动消失。还有三天而已。。。。加油！

-雪乐-

Why?

I thought I could wake up with a better mood since after my bad mood after exam, the funny movies that I watched did lighten my mood. But I did not. I woke up by having the feeling to yell at everyone.

I really hate it when I prepare hard for exam, I came out from the exam hall not knowing how to answer them. I know I am not pro like my friends and I need to put more effort in understanding, and trust me I did do that. Almost everytime I went in with a smile and confidence, flipped through the papers with a smile thinking that I could still manage to answer most of them, but when I started to answer, I found out that it was totally the other way round. Why the hell it has to be that way everytime?

Sigh.

I have disappointed myself as well as my parents. I could feel the pressure again. I told myself I have to maintain my grades as I am just left with 2 semesters and I am done for my degree. Is it so hard to do? If I were to fail right now in my final year, that would be terrible.

And I guess the other reason for me to wake up with bad mood because my dreams symptoms are back and I hate them! I was already lacking sleep but whenever I slept, the dreams would happen. Why they have to come back and bug me at this kind of time?

Argh.

I must find something to do that can make me feel better. I want my day to be fine. I need some good food. I need a walk. I need jokes. Anyone?

-sherril=xuele-

Insane . Me .

Nowadays, I do not tear so easily anymore. Should I say I have become tougher? Or am I just hiding my emotions, trying not to make matter worse?

Whatever it is, I just know that no matter how well I control my emotions and tears, deep inside myself I am yelling and crying like hell.

Insane, right?

But there are times that you know you should just keep your mouth shut rather than expressing your true feelings. And that was exactly how I felt whenever things like that happened. Shut my mouth up and try very hard to ignore the hard feelings I was feeling and just move on with a bright smile.

Guess I was doing pretty well most of the time because when I put on the smile, I tend to forget the sadness and anger in me. Then things became better and no more doom days.

But somehow today the plan did not work. Guess I was just too hurt and disappointed.

Sigh.

Thank god rationality has taken over my feelings. So now I am back to normal, hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

And I bet it will really be a better day.

Kinda tired now. Maybe I should turn in to bed earlier.

Good night everyone!


-sherril=xuele-

烦！

我开始不懂自己应该要怎样做。

当发生状况时，我应该改掉往常的习惯，然后保持沉默吗？？

还是依我往常的习惯开始辩驳，解释？

如果解释多，错就更多。我会被说我好胜。是吗？每次都这样吗？

如果保持沉默，我会觉得我好像没有维护我自己，没有替自己做个解释。。。

最近开始觉得，我说话开始要小心翼翼，不然一不留神，我又收到一颗计时炸弹。说话需要那么的小心，感觉好像没有什么意义了。 那是不是代表我应该保持沉默？

好烦，真的好烦。

很多时候我真的不懂自己得罪了他人什么，可是就是需要看他人脸色。一声不响就把我抛弃在后头，到底这是什么意思？

发生这些事情的时候，心里真的很痛！但是我一直高诉自己，我一定要变强！！不能再为这些有的没的哭了，所以我忍。

我只是希望， 我们各自可以了解各自多一点。。。

可以吗？


-雪乐-

有感而发

当你是很有心参加一些活动，所面对的一切困境你都会是往好方面想，绝对明白发生这些困境的原因。

只有没有一颗热忱的心的人才会觉得，自己被整了。

如果现今我们对换角色，我相信你会明白我们的用意了，


到底那份想参加这次的活动的决心有多少，看了电邮我们都心里有数。

我只能说，机会给了你，要不要争取就看你们自己了。

我希望这一届我期待的真的值得我期待。

自信！要有自信！！


-雪乐-

What is LIFE?

Finally I get to online (previously there was connection problem with my house line) and I should be blogging about something happy since I have just celebrated my 21st birthday. But something is holding me back.

Am I really 21?

I do not think so.

I do not look like 1. I do not act like 1. And my thinking is still so childish.

Suddenly, someone's words affected me a lot.

We always think how unfortunate we are, how the world is unfair to us. But really, are we that unlucky? Are we really the MOST unfortunate ones? To think of it, my answer is "No".

Perhaps, I should learn not to limit my sight. I have been living a comfortable life the moment I was born. I should be grateful for what I have had now and not to complain about it. In life, there are so many more things which are more important. But have I ever thought about that?

Because of some problems, I thought about giving up life. But there are people out there who faced greater challenges than me, yet they continued on fighting for it. What have I been thinking all this while? What is life?

Suddenly, I am lost. I am not sure what am I pursuing for in life. Happiness? Love? Success? What is my priority and what should be my major concerns??

I think I have no rights to talk about WHAT IS LIFE. All those shits that I have been talking all this while... I talked without understanding the true meaning behind it.

It is time for me to refresh my mind and look things in another perspective, viewing things in a larger picture. I need to grow up, I really need to.

Your words have stunned me. I am sorry that I have offended you. I am truly sorry.


-sherril=xuele-

Stopping right here?

Suddenly, I had the sudden urge to stop blogging. I mean like really stop and never continue again.

I began blogging more than 2 years ago. Started off when friends around me started to blog and I thought I would try and see since I love writing.

Throughout these 2 years, indeed many things happened. There are happy, sad, disappointed, angry memories.... until 1 point I decided to stop living. All these memories were being jotted down in this and my previous blog.

From a 19-year old teenager, I am going to turn 21 in about 2 months time. I am no longer a kid. 21... an age that many teenagers hope to reach and never get any older. They say this is when a person is given the key of freedom because they are officially adults.

How I wish I will never turn 21. This is such a dreadful year for me. How I wish I can forever stay at the age of 18. Many things happened in just a year.

I entered and came out from NS. Made new friends from all over the country and stayed in a rural area without internet for 3 months. Then I actually entered a university and chosen a course which all of these were never in my list of choices. Fated huh? If not for that, I would not have met him would not have endured so many things. Life changed significantly after I entered uni. Living away from home was never easy and I remembered how I used to miss home constantly till the point I would cry silently. So childish of me.

Like I said, everything happened for a reason. And I hope this will stay true till the day I die.

So back to the point. Why had the sudden urge? Jason asked, "Oh, just sudden urge?"

Haha yeah maybe. Feel like wanna isolate a bit, live in my own world for the time being. The world beyond my own is too cruel sometimes.

So, will the urge persist? I am unsure. Maybe yes maybe no. It is up to me to decide after all. But for the time being, I will not blog too often.

There is this song that I have been listening over and over again for the past few days. I wonder am I like what it was described in the song? If it is so, I would be better off. But quite doubt the last sentence.

Take care people!!!! And please pray for me that I will not screw up my Control Systems midterm.


突然累了

是时候休息了。



p/s: 祝你面试成功！



-sherril=xuele-

每件事情的发生一定有它的原因

这两天发生了一些事情。 仔细的想，我知道其实并不是一件大事也并没有我自认那么严重。但是我就是有那种内疚感，觉得很自责，甚至有点失望。

大家放心，这并不是关系到我的感情事。

唉，或许我把些事情看得太重了吧？都怪我自己死性不改，往往不经意的把事情看得太重。

他说我看错了。是吗？

也许吧！

想不到最后让我最头痛的不是那些我看不过眼的，而是我最看好的。

世事难料吧？以后不敢到处张扬我的看法了。。。还亏我宣传了给大家听。

真可笑。

Anyway，现在有个了断也好。免得拖拖拉拉的。。希望这件事没带给大家很大的困扰。

我没事，只是想太多。都说了，我是个多愁善感的人哈哈。

好开心明天可以离开这里几天，与我的母亲大人聚一聚。

好庆幸当晚失控的我并没有把她从梦境吵醒。不然一定让她担心死了。

每件事情的发生一定有它的原因，不是吗？

我相信，绝对有原因。


~雪乐~

该不该呢？

刚到家，今天出了一整天的门真的好累哦！最近都时常把自己累坏，到家冲凉就倒头大睡。人家说，这样好嘛，生活充实，而且可以避免让自己有时间胡思乱想。

唉，但是事到如今，我还能胡思乱想吗？事实摆在眼前，接受了事实，决定也做了。我现在需要的，大概是些私人时间吧？忙得如此，根本没时间让自己好好休息，调整心情，重整思绪，是我自找的啦。

或许我们之间有了些误会。我很想澄清，但又觉得是否会太多余呢？解释了，是否情况会改进呢？我不懂，真的没头绪，因为我开始觉得，我们很陌生了。是不是每个误会都必须澄清？还是有些时候应该保持沉默，才是对你对我最好的选择？

习惯了你的不理不睬，也习惯了你的刻意冷漠和避开。也许你觉得这是最好的解决方案吧！或许吧！但是我想说其实有没有这样，我已经遵守诺言没再给自己假希望了。如果你看到了这一句，那么你大可以放心了！

我是个多愁善感的人，如果大家觉得有时我好像没什么心情，请别误会，更千万别扯到那件事。因为这绝对与那件事无关，纯粹是我的个人问题。

所有的事情都该随风飘走了。我现在最想要的就是还我自己一个清静的心。

死了的东西，是不会再复活了。


-sherril=xuele-

Bad Day

Bad day. Damn bad day.

Became a joke of the day I guess.

Regretted? Maybe. But I just had to bear with it to overcome my problem.

I know I look like a kid and can you all please don't repeat it over and over again?!!! It is my business to do so so just leave me peacefully ok? Wanna cry liao.

You think I want to become a kid? It just did not turn out to be what I have expected that's all.

And I cut it due to several reasons but none of them is to become cuter so please do not ask me that k?

Shall not step out of my house if not needed.

Saw something that messed up my mind. Maybe it is me thinking nonsense again.

When can all these crap stop huh?

Pissed at myself. Really pissed.

不肯面对伤口的人总被当成笑话。


-sherril=xuele-

Brief update

Finally I am back here blogging. Wooh! Having the time to blog means I have time to laze around =)

So what exactly have I been up to lately? Below is the list of my recent activities:

* FEStival
* Closed accounts and settle statements for Arts & Crafts Society.
* AGMs for Traveler's Den and Arts & Crafts Society. Finally we have 'retired'!
* Watched Transformer twice. Once in Cineleisure (5 people) once in Pavilion (23 people).
* Dined in Full House, a place that I have always wanted to go.
* Interviewed new members for 'Xia Xiang' (下乡) in 2 interview sessions. Once in FAS once in FES.
* Soo Yee came over to overnight together with Mei Fern for pillow talking.
* Visited Yee's hostel. Looks similiar to MC room.
* I actually drove Andrew's car around KL and back to PJ because Yee did not know her way back.
* Stayed up late to complete Engineer In Society assignment. Do not ask me what subject is that because I do not know. All I know it is boring and did not listen since the 1st class.
* Watched a Korean movie without subtitle until midnight. Guess we were quite clever to know roughly what was happening throughout the movie. "Good" idea of HL's LOL.
* Overnighted at Chian's place. As usual we pillow talked and caught up with each other's recent happenings.
* I actually did some revision yesterday. Hard to believe!
* Thinking of things that should not be thought.

Well basically that was how I spent my last 2 weeks. Did not really have enough sleep until last night. Skipped a number of classes and slept in some of them and I really felt a bit of guilty. Yeah, a bit bit. But I guess from now on I will be more 'semangat' =)

Though I might be emo once a while, the thought of going back to Penang this Thursday really cheers me up. I even asked my mum to cook my favourite soup ready so that I can drink it once I reach!

I will go back on Thursday, right after my lab session. And I will be skipping the rest of the classes. No choice, since I have promised Yee babe that I will be back for her glamorous 21st birthday on Friday. Girl, see how good am I to you?

The best thing is, this time I will be flying back! Haha.... no need to take the 4 hours bus journey back. But the cost is to pay extra more for a shorter time. 1st time trying Air Asia, hope it does not suck like how some people told me.

People have been telling me, "Sherril, do not dwell in the past anymore. We must look forward."

I have been trying not to dwell anymore. Seriously, I have tried people. But things do not just go as you wish you see. Guess I just need to try a bit harder.

I will not break my promise to you. A friend huh? I guess I did well in turning myself into that role....

Maybe I am sharing the same fate as my cousin. Sigh.


-sherril=xuele-

Reflection

I'll just leave the Beijing post to the next one. Still could not settle down everything and upload my photos. Haha I really procrastinate a lot, don't I?

Just now I was looking through my unpublished posts. Some of them were simply incomplete drafts, but some of them were posts that were intially written to be published but I changed my mind in the end not to post them up. I realized my posts for the past half year were mainly about emotional feelings after my nasty break up.

Those posts reflect nothing but sadness. Total sadness with no motivation to live on my life.

Life sucked for so many months.

Does it still suck now? Maybe yes, maybe no.

For the moment, I feel quite contented. Maybe because spending much time with my family for the past few weeks lighten up my mood and let me forget about my sorrows and painful memories for the time being. They did me a favour for not bringing up the subject about him. Yes I finally told my mum about it.

Life is quite good right now, though there is still a missing piece of puzzle in it.

But isn't life is meant to be like this? It is the missing piece that drives your life. If you have no dream, no wish, then there will be no more motivation to live on.

I know I am pursuing a hope which is somewhat quite impossible to achieve, but who knows? Maybe this hope can lead me to the way I wanted, or maybe something better?

Life is all about taking risks. Just that we need to make sure that we have evaluated the consequences before taking the risks.

So, I shall continue on with my decision. Being tough and not to give up is something that I have learnt through this hardship.

Fate, will do its job when the time comes.....


-sherril=xuele-