I don't know

Sometimes, you just do not how to react to people's remarks.


*
I wish I can talk to you in a very friendly way, like how friends should talk.

But I guess this is almost impossible for us.

Why? Why everytime we must sound like we are arguing over some unimportant stuffs?

Why must you just talk to me in that particular way?

Frankly, I feel very annoyed.

I wonder, when will this shit end?
*


I am not sure about you guys, but I really hate it when I tell people this:

"I think I did badly." *moody*
"I think I will fail it. How?" *eyes with tears*


Then they give me this reply:

"Aiya you say only la. Listen 1st. Your results sure better than mine."


Sigh. Totally speechless.


I do not simply tell people that if I do not feel so. Maybe you all might think I exaggerated, but seriously most of the times I was quite positive that I screwed up the papers. I totally have no confidence in myself because I know I am not Shyuan.

When results came out and turned out to be better than I thought, you all said I was pretending.

=_=''


People, how am I going to know it would turn out like this?

I guess next time the best thing I should do is to remain silent after exam. Happy or not, I just keep it to myself.

I know myself too well. I cannot maintain my grades because I am not a pro. I am just a normal student who always procrastinate yet try her best in her exams. Who will not I wonder? No one likes to fail, isn't it?

Sometimes, you really just do not know how to react to such comments.



-sherril=xuele-

The world is very big

This phrase is true after all :)

There are still so many things that I have yet to experience,


like sky diving and water rafting.



So many people that I just started to know or whom I may know in the future, food that I yearn to try and places that I wish to travel to and the list goes on....

I want to go surfing at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii,


and scuba diving at Sabah.


I know I said I am going to hate my 21st year old birthday and this has been a dreadful year for me. But to think on the positive side, I should take those problems of mine as challenges for me to learn my lessons and grow up to think and act like a 21-year old girl. No more childish stuffs and actions.

Somebody said he wanted to read emo blog. Haha I think sooner or later he will need to cross my blog out from the emo category. This blog was never meant to be a emo blog, because it did not started out this way. But since the emo period is going to end soon, the level of emo-ness of this blog will be decreased.

Dom Dom, if you happen to read my blog no worries. Xue Le will always be Xue Le who is always full of snow happiness. You all gave me this nickname is because I used to be a happy girl isn't it?

I am glad I met many wonderful people around me, some are those whom I was not aware of at the very beginning. They have indeed brightened up my days. To those that I have made you guys disappointed, I am sorry about that. There just had to be times like that until you finally find a way back. So, please forgive me =)

Lastly, I would like wish my best buddy whom I have known for 12 years - Ying Chian a very Happy 21st Birthday!! Another friend turning 21. Haha I am considered young!!!



Sorry, I have not uploaded my latest picture with you. But oh well, this picture reminds me about my long hair days...

Darling, I really hope you have a great birthday this year. You are always a great friend to me and I am very glad that until today, we still remain as best friends. *Mwah* love you lots!!



-sherril=xuele-

The urge did not persist

That is why I am back here, with a new layout. LOL

Well, maybe if I really stop blogging it does not make any difference to you all since I am not those top bloggers and I personally feel that my blog is very dull. But, like what KLCK said was true.

Reading back my posts, I am glad that I blogged. Not only sweet memories were jotted down in words and pictures, some posts reminded me who I used to be and what I should not do in the future to prevent history from happening.

Anyway, this new layout is still under construction as there are still some codings that need to be edited. The tabs are not functioning as they should. Wonder what was wrong with my coding. Sigh. I have returned the things that I have learnt in Web Page Design during Foundation.

Currently, I am busy with assignments and tomorrow will be having my last midterm test - Engineer in Society. So, I guess I will get back to my editing after I am done with those. Supposingly, I should be joining Famine 30 this weekend. But due to the incomplete workload, Shyuan and I did not go. I hope that my friends who are the organizers are not mad with our sudden withdrawal. Sorry!



This is what I did. Studying while chatting in MSN. That is why I screwed up my Saturday's midterm. *crying hard* I am so 'dai sei'.

This is the circuit board before soldering started....

That's me, soldering the components.

I am starting to hate my hair colour. Should I dye again? Suggestions please!!!

Oh yeah by the way, it is getting longer day by day. Can't wait for it to be long long again!!!

Tadaa!!!! The completed circuit board (PIC is missing)

Haha, I was commented as being clumsy while soldering. Not only a few helai of my hair was burnt (because I looked too near), even my lappie was hurt. Sweat. Now there are scars on my new laptop.

Ok, so done with my update. Lastly I would like to wish Ruth, Shyuan and Li Pei

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!!


-sherril=xuele-

Stopping right here?

Suddenly, I had the sudden urge to stop blogging. I mean like really stop and never continue again.

I began blogging more than 2 years ago. Started off when friends around me started to blog and I thought I would try and see since I love writing.

Throughout these 2 years, indeed many things happened. There are happy, sad, disappointed, angry memories.... until 1 point I decided to stop living. All these memories were being jotted down in this and my previous blog.

From a 19-year old teenager, I am going to turn 21 in about 2 months time. I am no longer a kid. 21... an age that many teenagers hope to reach and never get any older. They say this is when a person is given the key of freedom because they are officially adults.

How I wish I will never turn 21. This is such a dreadful year for me. How I wish I can forever stay at the age of 18. Many things happened in just a year.

I entered and came out from NS. Made new friends from all over the country and stayed in a rural area without internet for 3 months. Then I actually entered a university and chosen a course which all of these were never in my list of choices. Fated huh? If not for that, I would not have met him would not have endured so many things. Life changed significantly after I entered uni. Living away from home was never easy and I remembered how I used to miss home constantly till the point I would cry silently. So childish of me.

Like I said, everything happened for a reason. And I hope this will stay true till the day I die.

So back to the point. Why had the sudden urge? Jason asked, "Oh, just sudden urge?"

Haha yeah maybe. Feel like wanna isolate a bit, live in my own world for the time being. The world beyond my own is too cruel sometimes.

So, will the urge persist? I am unsure. Maybe yes maybe no. It is up to me to decide after all. But for the time being, I will not blog too often.

There is this song that I have been listening over and over again for the past few days. I wonder am I like what it was described in the song? If it is so, I would be better off. But quite doubt the last sentence.

Take care people!!!! And please pray for me that I will not screw up my Control Systems midterm.


突然累了

是时候休息了。



p/s: 祝你面试成功！



-sherril=xuele-

每件事情的发生一定有它的原因

这两天发生了一些事情。 仔细的想，我知道其实并不是一件大事也并没有我自认那么严重。但是我就是有那种内疚感，觉得很自责，甚至有点失望。

大家放心，这并不是关系到我的感情事。

唉，或许我把些事情看得太重了吧？都怪我自己死性不改，往往不经意的把事情看得太重。

他说我看错了。是吗？

也许吧！

想不到最后让我最头痛的不是那些我看不过眼的，而是我最看好的。

世事难料吧？以后不敢到处张扬我的看法了。。。还亏我宣传了给大家听。

真可笑。

Anyway，现在有个了断也好。免得拖拖拉拉的。。希望这件事没带给大家很大的困扰。

我没事，只是想太多。都说了，我是个多愁善感的人哈哈。

好开心明天可以离开这里几天，与我的母亲大人聚一聚。

好庆幸当晚失控的我并没有把她从梦境吵醒。不然一定让她担心死了。

每件事情的发生一定有它的原因，不是吗？

我相信，绝对有原因。


~雪乐~

How do you want your life to be?

Phew!! I can sigh in relief for the time being. Why?

Because we have just completed another assignment and handed it up! 2 more assignments and 1 report in pending status.....

This explains why it is taking me longer and longer to update my dead blog. Gah, my time is devoted to all assignments, tests and some mini outings. Most of us stayed up late last night (some even did not sleep and straight away went to classes from 9am - 7pm) just to complete our AI assignment. Of course, my group is no exception to this last minute action. Sigh.

Analyzing those codings really made me frustrated, a bit. Haha. Hey, I really do have interest in programming if not I would not be joining the Programming Team in Robotics Society. LOL. But reading those codings not written by myself is really headache, especially when you do not know what the programmer is trying to do. Anyway, thanks people who have sent us the codings for reference!

*************************************************

Like I said, I wanted to give myself a break last weekend and I did! Muahaha had a relaxing time at my cousin's house. Watched "The Little Nyonya" or more known as "小娘惹"for 2 nights and I have finished watching it! Totally in love with the drama.

It about the story of a Nyonya's life and the plot revolves around Malacca and Singapore decades ago. Through this drama, audience is exposed to the culture of Baba and Nyonya. The main actress is totally unbelievable. A person like her who is so kind, rational and always so forgiving indeed exists but I am sure the numbers left in the world are not a lot. This is such a realistic world, sometimes we really need to shield ourselves in order to survive, isn't it?

Anyway 1 thing that I really agree with the storyline is karma.

Personally, I do believe in karma. I believe that what we do today will be reflected back to us in the future. People who do good deeds sincerely will be repaid for their kindness. But for those who are cruel and evil, one day they will receive their karma and get punished severely. Not only their evil doings will bring them harm, they are indirectly causing pain to their beloved ones as well. Because the pain that you suffer from seeing your beloved ones getting hurt is far more painful than you yourself suffering in pain.

And because of karma, I am here in this state today. It is a punishment for me for my mistakes done in the past. Muahaha... but in the movie, the main actress is really outstanding. She can think differently among those people in that decade and most importantly, she did not succumb to fate.

I, MUST NOT succumb to fate too. Hahaha... I believe sometimes some things are fated to happen. But there are also times that we can do something to change our fate. My thinking is, there is no definite path in one's life. What I do now will lead me to paths connecting to it. Maybe initially my life should be this way, but because of decisions that I have made, I changed my life.

I have encountered that and it will always remind me to think wisely before making any decisions. Our life path depends on the decisions we make everyday ^^

How do you want your path to be?

And just a little update about myself. I think I have grabbed hold of myself and found a way back. I am almost back to my old self despite some minor changes in me. Scars will never disappear and memories will always be there but they will always remind me who I was, what I did and how I have grown.

Sherril Leow, welcome back!~

Dark clouds are finally moving away!

-sherril=xuele-

Completed Entrepreneurship Assignment!

Finally we have completed the 15-page Entrepreneurship Assignment!

3 more assignments in pending status - Microcontroller, Control Systems and AI.

Friday having Law midterm. I wonder why must we take this subject?

This weekend I gonna give myself a break. This kind of life is pressuring me like hell. Reports, assignments, activities, personal life... they are all giving me a severe headache.

Actually I have been progressing quite good lately. Well, at least this is what I think. Though the situation has worsen if compared to the beginning of semester, I tried to ignore what is happening. Maybe being ignorant and not to ask too much questions is the best I could do to save myself from being trapped in a hole of sadness. Being BLUR as well is something I have to do.

I tried to refrain myself from facebook-ing. Not because I am an addict which I know I am not, but due to some predictable circumstances. I know 1 day I shall still need to face it, but for the time being, ignoring everything is the best for me.

I may be rubbish, useless and unimportant, but till today I am still alive. Sometimes I wish I can just disappear from this world but I know fate is not decided by me. So I guess I shall hang on till the day I have set myself to a total freedom :)

By the way, regarding my 'watermelon' hair, though I hate it quite much, I must admit that I have started to find reasons not to hate it so much.

1. I realized that my dandruff problem is totally UNDER CONTROL!!! Hahaha.. so happy!
2. I can finish bathing in less than 15 mins because now my hair is much shorter.
3. I do not need to blow my hair dry again.
4. Maybe having shorter hair will give me less worries :)

Till here, want to take a look at Law notes before going to bed. Argh.. week 9 is going to end soon. Time really flies huh?


-sherril=xuele-

感想

今天的我，又很想用华语写部落。不懂何时开始，我已开始慢慢爱上用华语表达我内心话。或许是因为。。 哈哈或许就是那个原因吧！无论如何，请大家多多包涵，因为我懂我的语法实在是烂得透底！

今天很开心的过了一天。岳宏说 得没错，有那两个废材，气氛不轻松也是假的哈哈。或许对彼此的真正认识并不深，但是在一起的时候的确给人很快乐的感觉。身为饭团的一分子，虽然不是那个最 出众的一个 （毕竟没有ah keat那么夸张那么搞笑的行为），但是应该要很感谢大家当初没有因为认为我很跩所以排坼我。其实我不是跩， 只是我没笑时看起来会比较严肃。

最近，他们这三个都一直问我：

“Sherril，为什么在家也要戴帽子？”
“Sherril，为什么你要戴假发？”
“Sherril, 你可以脱掉你的安全帽吗？”


T_______________T + =_______________=''


太过分了！竟然取笑我的短发。

哈哈不过照了照镜子，的确有戴帽子的感觉。圆圆的，丑到要死。算了，反正我凉爽就好。头发会长的，不是吗？？？

上面那几张照片是在上个周末在Kampar Grand Hotel 拍的。我们当时是参加了“下乡人相见欢大聚会”。那是一个让下乡人（下过乡的人）参加的一个交流会兼研讨会。

虽然我已下过乡了，但是身为协调员的我们还是有责任带领新的一团人。参加下乡团的人不是纯粹去玩，而是还背负着一个使命。 我自认没做得很好，没和我的谊弟谊妹时常联络。但是我也希望新一团的人可以像我们一样，从中成长。新的团员们，你们一定要加油咯！

参加下乡团，不只是做了有意义的事，还交到了一班疯疯癫癫的朋友。不错啦！！大家快点鼓掌！*ah keat 和 文耀在自high了哈哈。 不过他们两个其实早在参加traveler's den 时就认识了，并且并肩作战了两年啊！！有时还真是烦死人，一会儿告诉你他肚子饿，一会儿说泻肚子。。。由他们在一唱一和的，你的耳朵绝对不会清静 :)

就是他们俩。。恶心死了！！ :)

好啦，我该去睡卧的美人觉了。希望今晚可以一睡到天亮。好久已没那样了。。几乎每晚都会做梦，醒来时感觉很疲累。都多久了，这个现象还是不能改变 :(

晚安啦各位！！



p/s: 饭团们，翻开你们的回忆录看看专属你们的那几面。。我想你们看了一定会回想很多好笑的画面^^


-雪乐-

该不该呢？

刚到家，今天出了一整天的门真的好累哦！最近都时常把自己累坏，到家冲凉就倒头大睡。人家说，这样好嘛，生活充实，而且可以避免让自己有时间胡思乱想。

唉，但是事到如今，我还能胡思乱想吗？事实摆在眼前，接受了事实，决定也做了。我现在需要的，大概是些私人时间吧？忙得如此，根本没时间让自己好好休息，调整心情，重整思绪，是我自找的啦。

或许我们之间有了些误会。我很想澄清，但又觉得是否会太多余呢？解释了，是否情况会改进呢？我不懂，真的没头绪，因为我开始觉得，我们很陌生了。是不是每个误会都必须澄清？还是有些时候应该保持沉默，才是对你对我最好的选择？

习惯了你的不理不睬，也习惯了你的刻意冷漠和避开。也许你觉得这是最好的解决方案吧！或许吧！但是我想说其实有没有这样，我已经遵守诺言没再给自己假希望了。如果你看到了这一句，那么你大可以放心了！

我是个多愁善感的人，如果大家觉得有时我好像没什么心情，请别误会，更千万别扯到那件事。因为这绝对与那件事无关，纯粹是我的个人问题。

所有的事情都该随风飘走了。我现在最想要的就是还我自己一个清静的心。

死了的东西，是不会再复活了。


-sherril=xuele-

Bad Day

Bad day. Damn bad day.

Became a joke of the day I guess.

Regretted? Maybe. But I just had to bear with it to overcome my problem.

I know I look like a kid and can you all please don't repeat it over and over again?!!! It is my business to do so so just leave me peacefully ok? Wanna cry liao.

You think I want to become a kid? It just did not turn out to be what I have expected that's all.

And I cut it due to several reasons but none of them is to become cuter so please do not ask me that k?

Shall not step out of my house if not needed.

Saw something that messed up my mind. Maybe it is me thinking nonsense again.

When can all these crap stop huh?

Pissed at myself. Really pissed.

不肯面对伤口的人总被当成笑话。


-sherril=xuele-