I Just Want to Go HOME

What I want to do is to leave this place, now.

Sadly, I'll only get to go back on Wednesday. I wonder how am I going to kill the rest of my time especially tomorrow?

Bloody time, please tick away faster. I beg you.

And my dear internet connection, can you please function a little better for these 2 days? Please? At least allow me to read blogs and watch movies if not I will be bored to death.

Sigh.

Though I have finished my final paper this morning, I do not feel the joy of completing exams. I feel empty. LOL. I screwed up all my papers, which I did not expect it to happen. Hope that my parents will not be mad at me when they see my results.

I am not a consistent person. My grades go up and down. Over these years I am quite certain with this fact. I will never stay up high for long, because I am never meant to be there. I would rather call myself an average person who just aim high. LOL

I wonder how long more do I need to heal myself? It is killing me inside, slowly and deeply. I am so numb now with only coldness surrounding me.

All I want now is to go back to a place which belongs to me, a place that will always greet me warmly. This is the place where all of us regard as - HOME.

-sherril=xuele-

If I had the guts

I would have committed suicide. That was what I just told my friend. Haha.


edit: This is not an emo post. Do not get me wrong and please do not simply relate this to other stuffs....




Yeah, this is no joke.

So thank god I DO NOT HAVE the guts to do so, if not today you will not be seeing me blogging here, emo-ing now and then, gossiping with friends, complaining about assignments and exams....and any other things that you can imagine me doing. LOL

How many of you have thought about committing suicide? I mean, really desperate to do so just to leave this damn world?

Once, I was really desperate to disappear from this place... once. (Once? Don't think so. High school time already wanna kisiao with all pressure and problems) But really, I could not imagine myself committing suicide and the next day my big name appears in the papers saying "A 21 year-old girl from UTAR committed suicide at Plaza Prima Setapak". LOL

Then from then on, my house would be called the 'haunted' house. The owner will be so mad at me causing him not able to rent his unit out. People living nearby my unit will be sooo scared when it's the 7th month. Gosh I cannot imagine these happening since I really hate those students who committed suicide at their rented units, causing the area to be haunted.

So, I better not do so.

Furthermore, I am very berat hati to leave my beloved ones behind.

Actually, I have always said that those people who committed suicide are people who are selfish and irresponsible. They might have set themselves free, but at the same time, their suicide might leave their beloved ones heartbroken or even need to help them to clear the mess they created before dying. True isn't it?

But for some reasons, I started to understand why people like this can do such thing. On the verge of breaking down, eventhough you have thought of the consequences, anything is possible because people tend to be irrational when their lives are shattered to pieces. If they keep things to themselves and are lack of love and support from family and friends, then in just a nanosecond, they will be gone forever.

So the moral is, if you really have problems, it is advisable to share with your friends and family. Pouring out your problems will make you feel better, trust me. Although maybe in the end no solution can be made, at least you do not feel so burdened anymore. And people, when friends have problems to share with you, do not hesitate to lend an ear to them. Because you never know, you might have helped to save a precious life =)

Bah.. what a crappy post. Talk about suicide like I am so pro, when actually I am a coward and has no experience at all and do not even want to try.

Whatever it is people, please do not commit suicide. Eventhough now what you can see is just darkness awaiting you, like my friend said, you will eventually find a light in the darkness. LOL I wonder when can I see mine?? Anyway the most important thing is to have faith in yourself.

I am not committing suicide and I will not I swear. I have much better things to do. I would rather grief in sorrow than die. So if 1 day there are news saying that I commit suicide *choy choy choy!!*, something MUST be wrong. Very wrong. Maybe like in Prison Break Season 2, Benjamin Franklin (the black loving husband and dad) has to hang himself in order not to let the damn FBI harm his family. Haha

So, I am fine. I will survive!!


p/s: My god, I do not know what time I will be able to fall asleep, because I slept for hours after the exam. Ish..


-sherril=xuele-

Pointless

Thanks for the reassurance my friends, I think she is not mad at me anymore. Haha. Thank god!

Anyway, I am super sien. In the sense that, I DO NOT HAVE THE MOOD/MOTIVATION TO STUDY ANYMORE!!!!!

I have been reading the same theories, looking at the same examples, solving the same questions for the past few hours, past few days. But heck, I feel that my knowledge is still like.... only 65%???!! WTH!

Been reading blog after blog, refreshing the pages every now and then, in hope that those bloggers will update their blogs so that I can read some more. Gah, I do not dare to click the PPStream icon on my taskbar. Because I know once I start a new movie, I will be damn addicted to it. So, just in case it really happens, I better not even open the program.

Exactly 8 hours and 50 minutes more to my 2nd last paper - Circuits and Systems. At this time I should be either revising intensely or sleeping soundly on my bed, hugging my chao chao, pooh and tortoise with me. LOL... Should not be blogging here man.

But I have no choice, because my lappie has recovered and it is really tempting for me to sit in front of it. Plus, I promised to myself no more movies until my last paper and too bad every blog that I used to read has no more updates =(

Seriously, this post is super pointless.

Very the P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S.

All the best to myself for the upcoming paper *swt*


-sherril=xuele-

For some minor matters

I lost my temper when mum called.

Yea, I know I should not but I just did that and instantly regretted.

I swore to GOD and to myself I will control my temper and will treat my parents better by all means. But that was what I did. Great.

Apparently, she did not have the slightest idea that I hate doing some things by myself now, which I used to have someone to accompany me last time. All because she still do not know the truth behind all these sorrows of mine all these months. I have not told her about that, yet.

Though I messaged her to apologize and explain but I still feel bad. I did not mean to talk harshly just now. Just.. the thought of re-doing some things get my nerves. I hope I can control better next time, because I know I am progressing quite well just that today was an accident.

Well, got pretty hooked up with Prison Break lately. Been watching with Shyuan and Fern Fern for the past few days. It is our routine to watch during breakfast, lunch and dinner. And now, we have finished Season 2. We can sort of sigh with relief and concentrate more on revision. And maybe both of them can stop dreaming about Michael Scofield and that damn freaking man T-Bag and Kim while sleeping haha.

Oh by the way, my laptop is fine now. No problems with it. It was just because my lappie cannot support up to 2GB for a slot. The maximum is 1GB per slot, meaning I still can upgrade to 2GB RAM. Will consider buying a new RAM. So no more new laptop for me from my brother, but a new Ipod haha.

Ok, I am feeling much better now. I hope my mum is not mad at me.

1 more day to my 2nd last paper. All the best people!


p/s: Can I just give you that as a gift?


-sherril=xuele-

NOT tension, is DEPRESSED

Yea, I do not know why but now my situation is some sort like this.

It is finals, but somehow I am not really tension. Don't think I have fully prepared because that is not the case. Still thinking of how to die tomorrow. Like once I said, "想死得灿烂一点" and Yek Hong was like "Wah, 需要吗？So serious meh?" Haha.. I think no one wants to die in a very unsightful state right? Neither do I.

Talking about depression, I am not really sure what is so depressing except for you-know-that-incident. Hmm, maybe I am slightly disappointed with myself, with my performance all this while. I hope that the situation will be better after this semester. It has been a super awful semester for me. I need a break, really a break to sort my thoughts out (though I have actually made my final decision long time ago and is still sticking to it). Maybe some adjustments are needed, to make my life colourful once again.

The fall was a bad one, or I should say a severe one. I tripped and got myself into this bloody hell situation. Had a very deep cut, which has not been fully healed. Not even now. The scar will be there forever, reminding me that in the future, I should not trip myself again. Think right before you walk. Tripping yourself is such a stupid thing to do.

Anyway people, how is finals going on? I have 3 more subjects to go including tomorrow's paper. Below is my remaining subjects time table:

1. 30-04-2009 : Mechanical Engineering Design I (MED)
2. 07-05-2009 : Circuits and Systems
3. 11-05-2009 : Digital Electronics

OK la, gotta go. Really do not want to die hard tomorrow. People, study hard ya! Take a rest if you are too tired.



p/s: Hope you are getting well. Really.

pp/s: My sixth sense and clonclusions are right. Relieved for the time being.


-sherril=xuele-

FEAR (haha exaggerated)

The thing that I fear and worry the most is bound to happen, maybe.

I just hope that my sixth sense and conclusion are correct and not the other way round. Nope, better not.

I got lots of advices and comments from people around me, but in the end, it still depend on me how I want it to be, isn't it?

Took my 1st paper this morning - Moral. Hmm I would not say I did ok. Maybe below average and I hope I can pass this stupid LAN paper and not to repeat it in the next semester. I practically crapped nonsense in the essay part as I did not know how to elaborate and relate my points. Whatever.

I should be studying at this moment for my next paper on Monday - CAD/CAD but I am currently in PJ. My second trip to here in this week alone. Guess I miss my mom and she's going to leave tomorrow. Plus, my cousin got her pay already so she treated us a hearty meal just now at Delicious (Mid Valley). My 1st visit there, not bad.

Thank god our kind lecturer gave so much tips on which slides to study for finals if not I think I am going to die of insanity. Even after he gave us the tips, the slides that we need to read and memorize are still so damn a lot. ALL REQUIRE MEMORIZATION. Arggh... it is killing my brain cells. When it comes to Thursday, it is my dying day. MED is such a sucky subject for me, maybe I am NOT suitable in this field after all. LOL

Sometimes I think that things work out in a weird way. Take my cousin for an example. She and him were strangers at first and turned out to be good friends not long after that. Then they started a steady relationship for 3 years then suddenly boom, things went hay-wired. Suddenly I received the news that she has broken up. WTH. Then things got worse and they are now like total strangers. Don't you think that this kind of thing is soo peculiar in a way? First you were strangers. Then you got to be close and intimate. The next moment the game is up. From lovers, you become strangers. There are just unidentified reasons behind them. Really sweat. LOL I am not much better than her anyway.

Well, gotta go back to my studies now. Good luck everyone!

p/s: Hope you're getting well.

-sherril=xuele-

Sushi King - RM2 Bonanza

Hmm kinda lazy to blog and I hardly blog nowadays huh? I am lazy because currently I am not using my own lappie and blogging with others lappie is kinda weird. Then I hardly blog is because lappie is sick, assignment dateline is getting nearer and finals in exactly 1 week time. Sigh.





Anyway, did you guys go for RM2 Bonanza @ Sushi King outlets? As a member card holder of Sushi King, of course I went ^^ Kinda satisfied because I got to eat lots of salmon with a lower price. Wohoo!




When I applied for the card last year while dining with *him at their outlet in Queensbay, I thought I would enter again with him. But it turned out that in just a few months, things have changed drastically.

So, this time I went to the outlet at Times Square with Shyuan, Baby Ong and HS. Haha he's the driver again as he was the one who wanted to go badly. LOL. We sat at the table, exactly where I have sat when I last visited with *him to this outlet. Quite amazed with my memory capability. Should implement this ability more into my studies. LOL

Well, let the pictures do their part alright?

Mouth watering isn't it?

Not bad

Definitely NOT my fav

I prefer the NON-fried unagi. BEST!

Dedicated chefs. Thank you!

My 1st time eating this green soybean. Try it if you have the chance!

Shyuan's eating sooo happily. Must be good right?

She's my twin ^^

We bought the top together =)

Altogether 34 plates

We were super full after that meal since most of them contained rice. LOL. We were wondering, can we choose to eat only the "liao" and leave the rice behind? Haha but it is such a wastage so we ate everything that we took. So good of us =)

Shopped around a bit for some stuffs before going home. For no reason, I was super tired that day. Physically and mentally tired. It is really time to give myself a break from everything. I deserve better don't I?

The 3 pairs of slippers are to be worn at home by me, Fern and Shyuan.

Saw an article regarding this lip balm for chapped lips so I bougth to try.
Feel that it is better than Lip Ice.

Well, 1 day I would really like to cook something nice for my loved ones. The 1st time I cooked spaghetti was for him. Anyway, I want to improve my skills and want to cook for my brother when he comes home. Wow.. he should be happy because I seldom cook.

Haha see the books below? They are Baby Ong's properties. Lots of recipes for different types of food. When you are hungry and there are nothing to eat, you can pick 1 up and flip through the pages to satisfy your hunger. Haha.. serious. That was what Baby Ong did!



Looking forward to see my 2 BFF tomorrow, Fernie and Yee. Wohoo~! They are going to overnight at my place and have pillow talk!!!

My final presentation will be on Monday then my 1st paper will be on Saturday. UTAR-ians, good luck in your finals!



p/s: My blog's getting bored is it? Not blogging in an appropriate mood I assume. Or maybe all this while it is not interesting at all. LOL sorry if I made you bored.


-sherril=xuele-

雨天

今天不知怎么的，很想用华语写这篇post。好怀念哦，那些用华语发信息的快乐时光。多谢他，我的汉语拼音并没有退步。

今天一整天·都下雨，真的很想倒头就睡个大觉，不想让自己有那么多时间想不该想的东西。可是，考试快到了，assignment还没完成，怎么可以睡呢？

天为什么会下雨？因为天空爷爷不开心啊！我想，我今天的心情，和天空爷爷的心情，都差不多吧？

昨天上去了我超好朋友-倩的家过夜。第二次了吧？呵呵，蛮喜欢这样的时候。大家互相分享心中的喜怒哀乐，谈谈朋友们和家庭的近况。虽然彼此上一样的大学，住一样的公寓，但是见面的时间可真少。毕竟，我们念不同系，时间表自然就不同，朋友圈子也跟着不同。但值得庆幸的是，交了新朋友，但是却没把我们十年的友情忘掉。好高兴，在我最需要的时候，她都会在我身旁给予我支持与鼓励。

这么多年了，我有什么风风雨雨她不知道的？或许这几个月是她第一次看到我情绪那么的低落，笑容那么少。我也是第一次，看到她为了一件事执着了那么久。唉，我们的问题要怎么解决啊？天啊，真的是要我们的命啊！

今天，原本要和 kuak 去 pc fair 一趟，因为想买 1TB 的 hard disk, 2GB 的 RAM 和 cooler pad。但是最终因为某些原因没去了。只好托他帮我买。

这是我第一次想为我的电脑做些东西哦。三年前买了80 GB external hard disk,当时的价钱还真是现在的 320 GB external hard disk 的价钱。唉，电脑的 60 GB 加 external 的 80 GB 那里够用啊？心想这次一次过买 1TB 就好了，毕竟传单有注明 USB 2.0，不用插电了。

结果，原来那个注明是在说明它的transfer rate,一样要插电。唉，算了。就当着剩下那笔钱吧！

当我们把 2 GB RAM 安装后，唉倒霉事情发生了。开电后，电脑的荧幕竟然漆黑一片。看来我的电脑不喜欢我帮它找新玩伴 =(

你别自责了，我没怪你。真的。

是我忘了把电池拿掉才安装，再加上我运气欠佳，所以，不是你的错。

反而我该谢谢你帮我买了那么多东西 =)

现在我是用着芬芬的电脑，因为必须上网找资料。很出奇的是，当发现到电脑不能用时，心情是多么的平静。换做平时的我，一定已经大发雷霆了。大概是因为，这已经不是最大的打击了吧！

唉，老天爷，你几时才要停止下雨啊？

我想每个人都有自己的问题，但是无论如何大家记得要幸福哦！

我错过了我的幸福，不想大家和我有一样的下场！加油哦！



-雪乐-

天后宫 & Sushi Zanmai

Ok, ignore that previous post. Sort of like wanted to yell out my dissatisfaction only. Anyway, here's the trip that I wanted to blog about.

Last last Sunday, me, HS and Chian went to 天后宫(Tian Hou Gong is a temple). Well, no particular reason for going there. One day I told HS ever since I have been in KL, I have never been there before. So he said find 1 day we go as he has not been there as well. Plus, that week he was very 'sui', so he wanted to go and pray in hope that things will go on smoothly again.

Initially, Shyuan, Chendy and Fern were in the plan as well. But in the end, all PPK us =_=''. So only the 3 of us! Never mind, HS can get to know Chian better muahaha *evil grin*

We set off at around 8.30am. Everyone was kinda sleepy still at that time but no choice, the earlier the better. Because at first we thought of coming back around lunch time to continue STUDY. But oh well, that was what we initially PLANNED.

Had dim sum as breakfast at Jalan Ipoh, the same place I had supper in the previous 2 post. Do not ask me why always go to the same place. The food isn't great but just so so. Maybe we just miss dim sum a little bit more =) Then we proceeded to 天后宫.

You see, we all know it is situated somewhere in PJ near Mid Valley. So going there should be not a problem. But the problem was, HS insisted that he wanted to try a new route besides the route he always used to go MV. Fine. He was the driver so we tried the "new route". I was assigned as his co-driver. Means I had to read the map and tell him where to turn and so on.

But eventually we realised that we were out of the way as we saw the road sign showing "Rawang". OMG. Rawang?! That was totally out! We had no choice but to turn back. After asking someone from station for directions, we were eventually back to Federal Highway and yes, we found our way to 天后宫. Haha he should have used the route he was familiar with. Anyway, it was fun too. Just that I realised I was not a reliable co-driver after all haha.

In 天后宫, as usual we prayed. Then we went to 求签 ('kao chim' in cantonese). My 1st time doing things like that haha. It was not those types like you watch in movies where they manually shake those sticks until 1 pops out and drops onto the floor. Here, things are done electronically. There is this machine that will help you with this process:

1. Hold that jumble of sticks in front of that 'machine'.
2. Say your prayer and whatever question you want to ask God. Eg: Stuides, family etc.
   
3. Shake those sticks.
4. Release your hands and let the sticks drop back into the 'machine'.
5. The stick that 'pops' up the highest is the 1 you should pick up and read the number labelled on it.
6. Find for the drawer with the same number and open.
7. Take 1 of the paper out and read the meaning of your 'chosen' stick.
   
8. If more than 1 stick have the same height, that round is not counted. Same goes to the situation where no stick 'pops' up at all.
   
9. If Step 8 happens, repeat steps 1 - 7 until you are successful.

I overheard the person in the temple telling 1 of the lady that it does not matter if you need to repeat the process many times. As long as you are sincere then it is ok. So do not worry if you have to repeat dozen of times =)

Well, won't be telling you guys about my results since it is kinda personal =) Plus, till now I still do not 100% understand what it is trying to tell me. Haha anyway just a guideline for me. Blek.

Then it was photo shooting sessions. Below are the pictures:

View at the tortoise pond.

Tortoises.

'Yuet Lou' - Haha can help me?

HS with his 'snake'. So you know how old is he.

I am a DRAGON!

3 of us.


Ehem haha

Me and my leng lui darling Chian =)

Then it was time for lunch! Haha HS suggested to go MV to find food and of course, me and Chian were super thrilled! Because.... ngek ngek we can go shopping! Yes, we totally forgot about our intial plan - STUDY =)

We were in dilenma what to eat so in the end, we went Sushi Zanmai in The Gardens. It was my 2nd visit, to the very same outlet, sitting at the very same place. Haha.. such a coincidence. I totally enjoyed myself because I savour sushi very very much and Sushi Zanmai's sushi is not bad (for me la).

Sushi Zanmai @ The Gardens

I love to sit beside them...

Argh.. they are my favs!!! Esp the SALMON!!!!!

1st time eating baby octopus.

HS's salmon rice *yummy*

Oh, this is the BEST of all! Salmon roe with steamed tamago.... *OISHII*

Our favourite!!

After that, we went shopping. It was like ages ever since the last time I went out with Chian. We kinda forced HS to go back 1st because we knew we gonna spend a very long time shopping =) Ended up damn tired but both of us bought something. Yea, spent my hard earned money again. Sigh.

Alright, basically that's all. Maybe if you think you need to go temple and pray, you can go 天后宫. Nothing much, but since it is a tourist spot, you can try =) And of course, Sushi Zanmai!


p/s: I hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Hope that his appeal will be fine!


-sherril=xuele-

I DO NOT get it

Ok, I do not get it.

1 moment, you think things are alright. Ok, might not be the case that you dreamed of, but at least, things got along well. If that is the case, I am very fine with it. As long as, everything is FINE.

But heck, why must you give and then destroy it the next moment?

Do not be so 'buruk siku' la.

I understand very well what is the situation now. I do not ask for more if that case is not going to happen, but can't you just not destroy it????

Sigh.


-sherril=xuele-